Welcome friends! Ok, so you’ve found your person. Your life partner. The one you want to be with through thick and thin. The one you vent to about your day, talk to about what you’re going through, and have all those private jokes with. It’s awesome!
But sometimes, being in a relationship is really hard. So how do you know whether the hard stuff is just growing pains or whether it’s a symptom of a deeper issue that needs some serious attention?
Well, that is exactly what we are going to figure out today. I’m going to give you the five qualifications that you are in a healthy relationship. If you can check off these boxes most of the time, then you can be assured that the hard times are just that, hard times. They are the growth and the path to an even more solid connection.
Now, don’t be nervous. If one of these five signs sends up a red flag for you, don’t let that discourage you! Acknowledging and knowing the area that needs attention is the first and most important step. Stay tuned to the end of the episode when I tell you the secret to working on any relationship issue.
So, let’s get started.
Sign number one that you are in a healthy relationship is that trust is at the core.
You trust each other. But what does that even mean?
Trust means that you can rely on your partner because you feel safe with them, and you know they won’t hurt or violate you. You know your partner will do what they say they will do, and vice versa.
You don’t feel the need to snoop through each other’s phones, and you can give each other space without constant check ins because you know that whatever they are doing is ok with you. You trust their judgment and you trust their intentions. And they trust yours.
Sign number two that you are in a healthy relationship is that you have open communication.
Now, this is a huge topic that I will be breaking down in a later episode. But for now, I’ll give you a quick overview.
Open communication means that you and your partner discuss how you are feeling about yourselves and your relationship. It means you are genuinely interested in your partner’s point of view and not caught up in needing to be right. There is a space for sharing that feels safe.
Some of my clients have even set up scheduled times with their partner to check-in and discuss both wins and struggles within the relationship. This is a wonderful way to work on open communication.
Sign number three is Respect.
Another big topic that I will be breaking down in a later show. Respect means there is NEVER any name calling, putting each other down, or embarrassing each other on purpose.
Respect means you honor each other’s boundaries. You respect your partner’s goals and ambitions, and you support them. You don’t pressure them to do things they don’t want to do. You give each other the freedom to be yourselves and love each other wholly.
Sign number four is emotional honesty.
This is a tough one and, in my opinion, the one that provides the most growth. To be emotionally honest within your relationship means that you say yes when you mean yes, and you say no when you mean no. You are honest about how you feel and you don’t sweep things under the rug just to keep the peace.
You don’t play games or give the silent treatment as a punishment. You take the risk of being vulnerable in the name of intimacy. The tricky part about emotional honesty is that before you can be emotionally honest with your partner, you need to be emotionally honest with yourself. You can’t tell your partner something you’re not aware of.
Emotional Dishonesty usually comes from good intentions such as not wanting to hurt your partner’s feelings or not wanting to engage in a fight. But think of the trade-off. When you are emotionally honest, you are giving your partner the real you. A gift that no one else gets. You shed the layers of protection that your silence and dishonesty provide, and you get real.
Sign number five that you are in a healthy relationship is that you each have your own lives outside of each other as well as your own growth process.
Why is this important? Because you don’t expect your partner to fulfill all of your needs.
In American culture, you will hear lovers in movies say things like “you are my everything.” And while that sounds romantic, it’s not. It’s a lot of pressure to be someone’s everything.
In a healthy relationship, you understand that no one person can be your everything. At times, a family member or a friend is a better option for support. Sometimes your partner will be struggling with their own journey and expecting them to be there for you at all times is unrealistic and unfair. Perhaps you need a therapist or a life coach. And sometimes a girl’s night is just what the doctor ordered.
I love the idea of a couple walking side by side on their own paths. Each one has their own background and experiences and therefore their own needs and growth process, but they are always close enough to hold hands.
Now, are you ready for the secret to working on any of these areas? Here it is: If it’s lacking in your relationship with your partner, then it is lacking in your relationship with yourself. So, you start with you. NOT with your partner. I know that can be hard to hear, but this podcast will never sugarcoat.
So, if trust is an issue in your partnership, I guarantee that you struggle trusting yourself. If you don’t respect your partner, it is because you don’t respect yourself. If this is the case for you, you’re not alone! The good news is that with the right guidance and inner work, you can heal completely from anything that is standing in your way.
You are responsible for your own emotional life, my friends! It only takes one person to move the relationship in the right direction. Don’t worry ladies, if there’s one thing I’ve witnessed over and over, it’s that positive change is contagious.
