EP 9 – 21 QUESTIONS THAT WILL BRING YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CLOSER THAN EVER
Welcome back to the show, my friends! Guess what? I wrote you a free guide! It’s called 21 Questions that will bring you and your partner closer than ever!
I like to keep my podcast episodes on the shorter side, so I won’t give you all 21 questions here… plus I want you to go download the guide!
Because included in there are tips for getting ready to have such an intimate conversation, rules for having this the conversation itself, and then ways to reflect afterwards.
But I did want to come on here and give you a little preview. So, I chose my three favorite questions from the list. Which was hard y’all!
Before we get into the questions themselves, I wanted to take a minute to talk about why it’s so damn important to have these kinds of conversations. In the last episode, Are You and Your Partner In Different Relationships, I talked about how everyone’s experience comes from their thoughts. So, when you’re walking along having a normal day, your thoughts that day… the sentences in your brain… are what determine what kind of day you will have.
You can listen to that episode to learn more about what that has to do with your relationship, but I just wanted to revisit the fact that you and your partner have different thoughts and different experiences within the same relationship. So, coming together to have structured conversations bring the two of you into the same experience, therefore creating connection.
You might be asking yourself, what does she mean by structured? I don’t want my relationship to feel like school. Well, my friends, after you’ve been together for a while, I do strongly suggest that you schedule in time for communication. Especially if you have kids. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the day to day of what I call the roommate experience, right? Bills, kids, work, who’s picking up who, you know what I’m talking about.
So when there is a clear issue between the two of you, I obviously suggest talking about that. I have tons of content on how to have those kinds of conversations with your partner. Head over to Instagram and follow me @partnershipaligned for daily tips and inspiration.
But sometimes there isn’t a huge, looming problem in the relationship. Sometimes you’re just in a rut… or even just a routine! Nothing is wrong, necessarily. But when was the last time you felt some butterflies? The reason you felt those so often in the beginning was because of the excitement of getting to know your partner.
Well, that is exactly what I designed these questions for. They are the next level – get to know you – questions. The ones people don’t usually ask each other in a straightforward way. So if you’re ready to feel excited again and get to know your partner on a deeper level, go download that guide!
Ok so let’s get into my three favorite questions from the list. The first one is, What have you learned about yourself since we’ve been together? Damn, I love this question. I almost don’t want to explain anything about it because it’s so good on it’s own!
But I will. You see, when you ask your partner this question… and yes your partner will be asking the questions back… you learn about your partner’s experience within the relationship. This is not something we ever really think about. We think things like.. “Why did he say that?” “How could she think that?” and “He seems upset, I wonder why.” Your wonderings about your partner’s experience is usually very acute. It’s about the day that you’re in, the argument you just had, or the plans you are making.
Asking your partner what they have learned about themselves in the relationship opens up this door to hear all about their reflections, thoughts, and full experience of being with you… but not even being with you, being with themselves in a relationship with you. It’s a deep, deep question that will definitely give you the opportunity to get to know your partner on a much intimate level.
The second question I chose is, what is something you have a hard time being totally honest with me about? Ok well this question will make you nervous, won’t it? That’s how you know it’s a good one! So let me ask you, my friend. Do you have the courage to ask this question with sheer curiosity? Can you ask it and actually want to know the answer? It is not for the faint of heart.
Now it’s totally normal at first glance to not want to ask this question, and I do tell you in the guide not to ask any questions you don’t want to hear the answer to, because that is not fair to your partner. But even if you don’t end up asking it, I highly suggest that you take a look at why it’s hard for you.
Are you on some level aware of the answer and you don’t want to take a look at it? Or maybe you have difficulty with honesty in general and so the whole concept is anxiety provoking. If your body recoils from this question, that is such good information! It means this is an area where there is growth to look forward to! Don’t be afraid of the hard work, my friends. That is how you get the emotional freedom you are looking for. This question alone can save your marriage.
The third question I chose is, what are you most proud of us for accomplishing in our relationship? I love this one because it celebrates your love and the hard work you have already put in. It is great to talk about this because sometimes your partner will come out with something you didn’t even know they were thinking about.
You might be super proud that you made it through having your first kid together while they might be thinking of how you banded together to get over that financial hump you had last year. You never know! This question helps you understand what your partner felt was hard and what they are proud of for getting through. Such a great question!
Ok so if you want the other 18 questions, go ahead and download your free copy of 21 Questions That Will Bring You and Your Partner Closer Than Ever! Now that I’ve given you a teeny tiny taste here, you have a good idea of the kind of work I am about.
Now, I have one more offer for you! I am currently playing with a new way to get my clients faster results than ever before, and I want to test-drive it with just a few beta clients. So I am looking for 10 women who want a 45-minute session for dirt cheap in exchange for some honest feedback. Only $37. This price will NEVER be available again and you’d be helping me help other women!
Sound good to you? Email me at Elana@nullpartnershipaligned.com or go on IG and send me a message there @partnershipaligned.
Ok guys have a great week and remember to go download the 21 questions because if you’re not having these deep, get-to-know you type conversations, then you are missing out on the intimacy that you are craving! So don’t be shy! Tell your partner you want to schedule in some time to talk and create the result you are looking for in your own relationship!
