Hey guys, welcome back to the show! Many times on this podcast I like to look at the deeper side of relationship topics. That’s my style and that’s what’s always come naturally to me.
But today I want to talk about some day-to-day tactical bonding exercises that you and your partner can implement and if you stay consistent with them, you’ll definitely feel closer.
I’m going to give you a few. Some of them will be doable and some of them won’t be, depending on your current circumstances and phase of life. But even if more than one sounds good to you, I highly suggest you just start with one.
Because starting a new habit is hard. And there’s science behind it. Your brain is wired to be efficient. And the most efficient thing you can do today is the same thing you’ve always been doing. Doing something different requires energy which is not efficient. So the brain doesn’t like it.
Even if that new habit is something really healthy. Your brain doesn’t care. It just wants to conserve energy. It’s important to know this so that when you feel yourself getting inconsistent or discouraged, you understand what’s going on.
I say all that to say that yes, implementing one of these daily bonding exercises will take work. Not only might it take work to actually engage in it… but what takes even more work is finding the time for it. Especially if you’re raising tiny humans. So I get it, I really do.
But let’s keep it real, shall we? When we REALLY want to incorporate something into our life, we find a way. We make time for the things we want to make time for. So, if you’re not making any time for your partner, I would encourage you to ask yourself why?
And please don’t give yourself that bullshit answer of “I’m busy.” Be real with yourself and dig deep. If you did make time for you partner, what are you afraid might happen? Next week I’m going to do a whole episode on avoidance. So stay tuned, that might help you get to the root of it.
Ok so let’s get started. Here are five daily habits you can implement with your partner to start feeling a closer connection.
Commit to eating a meal together at the table without electronics. This is the one that will help create a time and space for some of the other ones. Unless you have toddlers and life is super messy at the table. Then just this one is enough!
Most people would make this be dinner but if your lifestyle allows for more time at breakfast or lunch, that’s just as great! There is something about sitting down at a table, breaking bread, and spending time together without an electronic. Carving out that time for each other sends the message that this relationship is important enough to pause for every single day.
Read a Book Together. This was one of my favorites with my husband. You choose a book that would be interesting to BOTH of you – that part is important, and you both read it and discuss. This can be done two ways. You could each read the book on your own time and then carve out time to discuss, like maybe 10 mins before bed. Or like me and my husband did, we would literally lay in bed together and take turns reading out loud.
For us, we were both interested in spirituality. So we would read a spiritual book together and it sparked tons of conversation. I found it very stimulating to share our thoughts and ideas about spirituality. It really made me feel very close to him.
If you like this one but you can’t think of a genre that the two of you agree on, then I suggest reading a book on relationships. Read the Five Love Languages or Fierce Love by Susan Scott or Love Prescription by the Gottmans. There are tons.
Share your daily wins. This can be done at the dinner table, before bed, the next morning, or even through text. Whatever works for you. You each share your three daily wins from the day.
What’s great about this one is that it gives you a peek into what your partner considers to be a win. I know you think you know but you’d be surprised how much you don’t know about what’s going on in your partner’s mind. We all have a private world inside of us. When we share pieces of that private world, that’s called intimacy, my friends.
Share three things you appreciate about each other. I love this one. Every evening before bed – or again this one can be done through text – share three things that you really appreciate about your partner. It can be something super small and specific – like the fact that they filled the tank in the car that day or it can be something much deeper – like what a great parent they are.
This not only feels amazing to each of you as you receive appreciation, but it also helps you stretch your brain and look for evidence of the good that is within your partner. Too often we are looking for them to do something wrong or we only notice the shortcomings. It’s really important to intentionally look for the good as well.
Go on a walk together. There is something about walking and talking that just makes it easier to say certain things. Moving your body and getting the endorphins from walking and being outside really contributes in a positive way to the quality of the conversation.
Just like the sitting down to a meal one, you can incorporate one of the other bonding exercises into a daily walk.
Ok now do you see a pattern here? All five of these suggestions create a space for communication. Because if you’re not talking, then what are you doing? Sharing thoughts, feelings, wins, appreciation, etc. with your partner is what it’s all about. This is your life partner. This is who you chose to go through life with. So not talking seems silly, doesn’t it?
Ok guys, that’s all I have for you this week. Go implement one of these and then shoot me an email or a DM on IG to tell me how it went! Have a great week.
